I Need You
by Caspian Mors
Summary: Killua/Gon. Slash. Fluff. Yaoi. A retelling where Killua's and Gon's relationship blossoms beyond friendship.


Title: I Need You

Date: 4/30/2014

Summary: Retelling of Killua's and Gon's relationship as it blossoms beyond friendship.

Warning: Yaoi. M/M. Fluff. Slash.

Prologue

Killua POV

I made my first friend when I was thirteen, competing in a life threatening competition for the chance to receive my Hunter's License. He was my age, maybe a couple of months younger, though his innocent, wide green eyes gave him a childlike image. He readily had a smile for me, no matter how mundane or sarcastic my comments were; it was refreshing. He laughed at my jokes and my mocking criticism towards his other companions. The way his face lit up seemed to dispel any animosity my impudent remarks made, though it took Leorio far longer to warm up to me than Kurapika. That might have been because I enjoyed displaying his idiocy and folly for everyone to see. What can I say? I have a sharp tongue.

The fear that shredded my nerves made me hesitant to open up. Since I was born lessons on deception, masks, and how to be generally paranoid were shoved down my throat. A mere suggestion that I wanted companionship, a trusted friend who would know all my secrets, was literally beaten out of me. It took exactly fifty-three lashes for me to realize that I should shut up and become the killing machine my family expected of me.

When Gon easily accepted me in his life even though he had caught glimpses of the monster hiding behind the facade of immature jokes, it sent jolts of pure elation and disbelief racing down my arms until my hands were shaking so badly I wasn't able to carry my skateboard. Gon simply chuckled and grabbed the deck. It slapped to the ground and a second later he was racing ahead. He threw a smile of pure sunshine over his shoulder.

After the first phase, when everyone was asleep and the blimp glided across the sky with a low hum, was when we finally solidified the tentative bond we had constructed at the beginning of the day. Gon had asked with the most innocent expression I had ever seen what my family's occupation was. When I revealed our criminal status, he merely tilted his head in confusion and asked, "Even your mother?" As if the idea that we were a group of murderers wasn't a big deal.

The almost hysterical laughter that bubbled forth pushed a foreign moisture to my eyes.

Since that night my shoulders no longer hunched with subconscious instinct, like I was trying to protect myself against the emotional danger of bonds. My smiles were more real, my voice rang with laughter, and each time I looked at Gon I could feel my eyes twinkle with an unknown emotion. I think that was when I started to fall in love.

Of course I was oblivious to these strange emotions and convinced myself what I was feeling was because of friendship. Nothing more, nothing less.

When the Fourth Phase came and Gon drew Hisoka's number my heart stopped. I've seen the looks the older man threw at the boy. Possessiveness, greed…..lust. It scared me that this man, who my instincts told me was someone I wouldn't be able to defeat no matter how great of an assassin I was, took an unnatural obsession with my friend. And Gon practically bounced with excitement and anticipation at the prospect of someone there to challenge him.

When I realized this, I felt sick, like I was going to barf. Did that mean Gon didn't see me as an equal, or someone who wasn't worth competing against? Now that I fit into the category 'friend' was I insignificant? I wouldn't admit it at the time but my veins sang with anger. I was his friend. We did almost everything together. I was the one who always had his back. Yet, there were times when Gon's eyes would go glassy and I just knew he was thinking about Hisoka. How Oh-So-Great the man was and how Gon could use him as a measuring stick.

It hurt.

For the first time in my life I was truly jealous.

In the Fifth Phase I was faced with the ultimatum of allowing Gon to die and continue rebeling or to return home. The choice was obvious. My aniki gave me a pleased smile, like he already knew what I would choose and was rewarding his pet for following orders. My mind shut off and I became the weapon my family wielded. Sharpened nails through a ribcage and I was eliminated.

I didn't get to say goodbye to Gon.

I retreated to that area in my mind where everything was okay and nothing from the outside world could touch me. My body functioned on autopilot and accepted the punishment where it was due. Milluki-nii allowed his arrogance go to his head when he held the whip. The hubris of my brother makes me scoff.

Gon came with his bullheaded stubbornness and burning determination. I felt myself thrum with life for the first time in almost a month. My mother screeched and cried yet with father's permission, I was able to embrace my friend and leave the premises of my prison. It felt so good to feel Gon's heat flushed against my body, like a breath of fresh air after being submerged in toxic pollution.

Kurapika and Leorio separated from us when we reached the transportation center. We all promised to meet up in a couple of months in Yorknew City. And then finally it was only Gon and me.

In the safety of our private compartment on a blimp heading towards Heavens Arena, I leaned against Gon's side and rested my forehead on his shoulder, enjoying his presence and breathing in his unique scent; earthy tones of a forest and clean sweetness of pure water and finally the underlying musk that was entirely Gon. His hand reached up and lightly stroked my hair. His fingers pushed through the white strands eliciting a deep purr of contentment from the back of my throat. We stayed like this until the wheels of the blimp skidded against the stretch of asphalt. Simply soaking up each other's presence.


End file.
